Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in Stephanie's LiveJournal:

Saturday, June 5th, 2004
10:46 pm	Well hello it's quite late but I'm not tired and i feel like listening to music. I shall tell you about my day. Since i live in mo hill and there's nothing to do here i wa all excited becuse we were having this free outdoor concert thing. Like 8 bands played it was pretty sick. Yeah there were TONS of hot guys there..... Tobi went up to this random guy and was like " hey man see that chick over there...(pause) well she thinks your hot." as this is going on im turning bright red i think. so the guy reponds "uh well thats awesome....but i have a girlfriend." oh man talk about bad luck. But yeah that doesnt matter because i saw novice play. and we all know novies is the most awesomest band ever!!! well my mommy is telling my i muct og to sleep now but i dont want to so im going to go chill in my room and think about....stuff later steph Current Mood: rushed (Comment on this)
Monday, May 31st, 2004
11:49 am	good morning. actually i woke up at like 10 today it was awesome. I feel refreshed. SO i have unleashed my livejournal on to anyone that wants to read it...I'm scared. Elizabeth and brendan were the only ppl that read about my thought and i don't give s shit if they know my thoughts. But now everyone.....oh well! haha. so about my sunday. I went to Santa Cruz!!! Marius said he saw me but he's to cool so say hi to me! lol but yeah i went to urban oufitters i love that store. then i kind of walked around with my mom and my brother. but it sucked my brother HATES shopping so the whole time he complained! i hated it. but yeah i went to borders and got to cds. Coheed and Cambria and Death Cab for Cutie. Shit dude co & ca is so sick. I love this cd. It's so emo but then now. like death love. I love it! its just what i needed. oh man its 12 ive g2g to my hw. Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 30th, 2004
9:18 pm	wow dude my last entry was april 11...now this is long time no see.... dude whats up i remembered my passward that so fucking sick... so let me teel you about my life sice april 11th lot of shit yo. Well a few weeks ago my father left my mother. That sucked to bad i got all depressed and couldn't do my testing to school. I got all emo and made plans to kill myself. as you can see i didn't kill myself because unlike what i was thinking i did have something to live for. uhh Elizabeth got caught for having her boyfriend....yeah her boyfriend was i think 20. I guess as wrong as that was it was beautiful in a way. I respected their love soo much. Maybe thats why i didn't tell anyone or do anything about it....but shti dude their the only example i knwo of that is TRUE LOVE. Btu yeah Dashboard is so fucking soon. what today in sunday and the show is thursday. THURSDAY!!! and do you knwo who im meeting up with at the show? well no duh cause i havn't told you. hsi name is mike, and mike and i havnt been talking for a little while now. a few phone convos....lots of texting. So on saturday mike came over. I had the best plan. you see my mom was gone all day at a jazz festival. and well i didn't give a shit about my brother. So i'm acting like my nornal self...totally tweeker yeah well it was great...so were talking jsut hanging out in my room adn all of a sudden my brother shows up in the door way. my brother was out with ym dad. I ask "where's dad" and he tells me "right there......" OH SHIT OH SHIT.... "mike run" so that was great. wanna know the funny thing i didn't even come close to hugging him. hmm i dont feel like writing anymore. ill just come back on tomorrow. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 11th, 2004
6:02 pm	long time no see Well, i havn't really had time to come online and type so i will just write one very VERY long entry. so today is easter fun candy time. but yeah booo pissed off dad time. like every time family comes over dad gets in this bitchy i am the ruler of all attitude. yes today was all about who he can scream at for stupid reasons. i feel like shit now i hate when he puts me down. like shits yo i need a bag to scream into befor i dont think and scream back at him. oh oh and last night i went over to richies at like 11. he had some ppl over so i was like wth why not. normally i have it all planned out, how im going to leave, how im nto going to get caught but last night everything fell into place. ok so the journey begins....its about 10 o clock. im sitting on the couch with my mommy. i get up to get a movie to watch by myself in my room. my mom says to me "why dont you just watch your movie out here so i can go to sleep." so i start my flick all in going good then richie calls. "hey dude were bored can you come out?" well my mom's been in bed for about 30 minutes now what the heck why not. i go back to my room and get a sweater and jeans.(im in my pj's) oh i also grab my make up. so im in the guest room getting dressed and ready to go. a thought dawns on me. i should put my pj's in here so when i come back i can just crash on the couch. i put a blanket on the couch and finish getting ready. i go over to richies hang out with his german and step brother. that was fun but i have to go home cause its like 2. and my brother is worried. well i do a stupid thing and leave my make up in the bathroom and my purse and shoes in the guest room. the next morning come and i wake up to find my mother holding my make up, purse, and shoes. "where the hell were you last night?!?" she screams at me. well obvious she didnt care that i took a "walk to elizabeth's" last night or else i wouldnt be on the computer right now. im so lucky but now i dont think im going to be able to go out like that again, cause my mom will listen for me and check on me a lot now. poo. and last night wasnt even worth it. i thought that when i did eventually get caught it woudl be this big thing and i would be off partying but no i was just at rihies hanging out. its sucks yo. but hey its sping break i will find a method of fun. i will... i will... Current Mood: devious (Comment on this)
Monday, April 5th, 2004
4:02 pm	sick.. omg i got sick on saturday at the movies...not fun. i passed out at the end of the flick and threw up. yeah gross. well i though i just got food poisoning but i was wrong. i had to go the hospital and i stayed their until sunday. i got home and went to bed and slept for the rest of the day. well i woke up today feeling a little bit better. i didn't go to school in fear that i might pass out somewhere. um im actually really hungry right now but the only thing i can eat is jell-O. yeah it was good the first few times but now im starting to hate it. eww. so right now all i want to do is go sleep so i will good night or good day i guess. -stephanie Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
6:03 pm	AFI ok i took this from tobi but man this is wierd Well this is interesting indeed I suggest everyone who likes AFI to read this all the way through. Even if you dont like them its pretty interesting. I dunno if anyone has seen this before but one of my friends gave this to me and it just amazes me and freaks me out as well... very interesting... (P.S. I dont know who wrote it).Sing the Sorrow is a very interesting cd. If you like AFI, and you have Sing the Sorrow, you should read this. Actually, it has lots of things you'll never know if you don't read this.Okay, before this album came out, they released a 10" disk, and called it "336". No one could figure out why, and it was a bit of a secret. All they would really tell us was that when Sing the Sorrow came out, it would all be made clear. Well, they dropped some hints in the meantime. One time while upgrading the messageboard, they left links to astrology, numerology, and the ummm.... I think the chinese zodiac? Another time, a hint was dropped... they said that "336" wasn't really important.. it was just "what comes before." It came before Sing the Sorrow. Meaning that STS was "337." And we really had to figure out what 337 meant.Also, there were the rabbits. They had posters and stuff with rabbits on them. And other weird mentions of rabbits. In the liner notes from STS, it says, "Rabbits are roadkill."So Sing the Sorrow came out, and no one could figure it out. Then their short film, "Clandestine" came out. It had the cd, the dvd short film, and a 60 page little hardcover book, which was like a big colored version of the cd booklet. Thw whole style is of faded, worn pages. The pages are old and stained... brownish stains.. But as you flip through the book, you begin to realize that some of the stains and smudges are actually red. All of the stains are actually blood, and dried blood.(I haven't seen the film in a long time, so I might have a few details wrong.) Now, in the film, it starts with Hunter holding a box with the Sing the Sorrow logo on it, running through the forest. He looks at a paper, and keeps running. The paper gets dropped, and you see that it says Room 37 at 3:33. He runs into a classroom full of kids. The board says, "nothing from nowhere." Then you see Adam playing cards. The box is on the table (in the pot), along with a watch, keys, a magnifying glass, a bottle of dark fluid, a white chrysanthemum, and a live rabbit. Adam has 336 in his hand. He wins, takes the box, and goes to leave, but the box falls apart in his hands. You see that two of the guys at the table have actually smuggled away the real box. It flashes to Dave in a cafe. He is writing in a book (the book that comes with Clandestine... it's like the cd booklet, but better), with the box on the table. A strange woman comes up and kisses him, stealing the box. She leaves, and he goes back to writing. He notices the box is gone, and leaves. It flashes to Jade walking into the classroom, (the board says "I am no one at all." and through another door in the class, which leads him into a house. You see him snooping through the house. Going upstairs, going through drawers, looking behind dressers, etc. He goes into the bathroom, and the tub is filled with a black fluid. He reaches in, and pulls out the box. You see a hand at the door of the bathroom (maybe the hand of the woman from the cafe?), trying to open it. They unlock the door (with the keys from the card table?) Jade jumps into the tub, going down, down into the water. He comes walking out of the water on a beach. He walks across the sand to a small table where all the members sit waiting. He places the box on the table, and they open it. End of film. You never see what is or isn't inside. Throughout the movie, it flashes the clock, which, for every person's scene, is on 3:33, and at the very end, I believe it's 3:37.Now, I have friends that spent forever figuring this out, and I helped some. They looked up esoteric astrology, chinese astrolgy, and numerolgy, among other things. Clandestine means something secret or hidden. Esoteric also means hidden."Miseria Cantare" is Latin for "Sing the Sorrow."3 x 37 = 111. I'm not positive, but I hear that 777 represents god, or perfection. In Transference, Dave wrote, "I'm 111 less than perfection." 777 - 111 = 666. Dun dun DUUUUNNN. (P.S., NO, they are in no way devil worshippers. Just for your info.) Also, Three denotes divine perfection; Seven denotes spiritual perfection.In esoteric astrology, 336 represents physical death, and the events leading up to it. There were only 2 songs on the 336 disk. Some of the lyrics of one of the songs say, "We're all now in dying days.... I gave up fighting. I've come to be these halos."337 represents the act of reincarnation.This is important: In chinese astrology, Dave is a RABBIT. He was born the year of the rabbit. RABBITS CANNOT BE REINCARNATED. Rabbits are on their last life in this world, and do not have another chance.In numerology, Dave's life path number is 3. In some middle eastern philosophy, they say that there are 37 deeds you must do before you can reach nirvana, or peace/heaven, and be done on the wheel of life.The whole cd goes in a circle. The sounds at the end are backwards. They end in the same beat and same key as the beginning of the cd. It's one continuous loop. The music before This Time Imperfect is the same played forward as it is played backward.The front of the album has the symbol of falling leaves. Falling leaves represent death, and returning to the earth. The back of the album has a symbol of water. Water represents rebirth. All of the art for this album has been circles. Another symbol of something repeating, of reincarnation. Also, at the beginning of the film, Hunter is running through the forest (leaves), and at the end, they're on the beach (water). The black fluid in the bathtub relates to "Bleed Black." The chrysanthemum on the card table relates to "The Great Disappointment." It's all crazy.Basically, the whole theme is death and reincarnation, and the fact that he CANNOT reincarnate again.Look at the song lyrics. Although each song as a whole isn't about this, there are specific lines that corroborate this theory. Example: "discarnate." "Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all." Discarnate means being bodiless. Like floating in time and space. Essentially, being... nowhere. Nothing.There are other questions as well, like why are the leaving songs out of order? Well, since the cd is one big circle, we don't believe that it actually begins with Misera Cantare. At the end of Clandestine, there is breathing. Just like at the beginning of Bleed Black. I believe that the album BEGINS with Bleed Black. That would put the song as beginning after Clandestine. There was a theory that the box at the end was just empty. (I forget why.) Well, the first words are, "I am exploring the inside. I find it desolate."So, if it starts with Bleed Black, the breathing at the beginning could represent life. (Being born, perhaps?) That would put the song whose lyrics say, "recreate me," and more importantly, "I know I died that night, and I'll never be brought back to life once again." So, playing that as the first song, and going full circle around the cd, that puts the leaving songs into order, and ends the cd with The Leaving Song Pt II.Now, some people think that Dave "dies" over the course of this cd. Some say that the "death" (if there is one) occurs during This Time Imperfect. That would make sense that Miseria Cantare would be the beginning... from nowhere. Bodiless... Then comes The Leaving Song Pt II, whose very first lyrics say, "don't waste your touch, you won't feel anything." The spanish in the song says, ""Yo he estado aquí muchas veces antes y regreso" ("I have been here many times before and I return"; "Y regreso aquí otra vez y comenzo" ("So I return here once again and I begin". Like being reborn. The circle of birth and death and rebirth. "I saw its birth. I watched it grow...."Also the fact that the poem is read as in the 3 stages of life. Like he is aging through it.So yeah, it's pretty creepy.That's most of it. There are other small things, like, "Rabbits are roadkill," and then there's the sound of a vehicle accelerating through the rain at the beginning of Silver and Cold. There is also a very small, very blacked out picture of what looks to be a truck or something (maybe the vehicle?) in the book. All sorts of details thanks tobi Current Mood: bouncy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:08 am	hot guy at the movies oh yes i sat behind the hottest guy at the movies. he had black hair and a black shirt he was very hot. he said hi twice i think this is progress..yes it is. well anyways the movies i we saw last night was the prince and me. im glad it didnt make me cry but i was about to. liek the whole movie was about dotn go searching for love when love is in front of you. everybody makes mistakes and when your in love you just thave to deal with it. love can wait a crush cant. just remember that. -stephanie Current Mood: ecstatic (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 1st, 2004
8:03 pm	today is.... THURSDAY!!! Such a magical day. For one thing tomorrow is Friday, and I have my guitar lesson, oh yes I get to see Richie! How exciting. But oh sad he ahd to leave me and I didn’t get to play my April fool's joke on him. Dang well ill do it tonight. So yes if I can recall I wrote about my unedifying affection for Cameron well....that’s kind of changed now. Because I actually talk to him today and he was like fuck you I don’t care. Or so it seemed. Soooo I need to take what I already have. ****** yes him. So I will have the time of my life not be shallow and be happy. Change from the usual. Wait wait I forgot Dave (my guitar teacher) is teaching me novice for my next recital!! We're going to play “represent”. Elizabeth is going to play lead I’m going to play melody and we don't know anything else but man it is going to be fun and dandy. all done Current Mood: hyper (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
5:09 pm	emo.... alright well i just got back from volleyball...our last game. WE WON! i actually played really bad tho one good play. anyways yes today i finaly finshed my book Nothing Feels Good. I think over all it changed my opinion about Emo music and all types of music. Like emo is NOT a trend, and it will never be a trend but i followed the most popular bands because they were the easiest to get ahold of. But now i have respect for bands liek Promise Ring and Jawbreaker, and i know music background. oh yeah I dont think guys are pansies if the listen to a band like dashboard confessional. Guys get shit in their life just like chicks do so why cant the cry about it or get pissed off. oh yes of course the male is supposed to take it liek a "man" and their gay if not. well i say fuck it. no im not going to get pissed off at my computer. more about my day. lol well i got interviewed for the school newspaper. one of the questions was "What is one of the regrets the you have?" and i said "never have regrets, you only live once!" but really i think im being a little hypocritical. if i dont want to live my life regreting things then why having i told blank that I've liked him for awhile now. i mean maybe something good will come of it. why do you think i style my hair in the morning and put make up on. its not for myself anymore. as much as i want to say it is, i know in my mind im trying to impress my one sad crush. I need to stop living in my mind and thinking thing over and actually do them. hmm i just need to get this out...cameron willis you are so hot and i wish i knew you enought to be friend. that feels so much better. to bad he doesnt know who i am even though I've made it PRETTY CLEAR!! alright thats good for today. later yo             Stephanie                                                                                                                                               Current Mood: bouncy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 29th, 2004
9:08 pm	long time no see I want to say I have the worst life ever but in reality I don't. Atleast i DON'T get beaten. But man i cant take this shit anymore. My mom says i cant hang out with anyoen older than i am. hmm a problem...all my friends are older than me. I hate having to sneek out in order to see my friends. I cant stop getting depressed. my mom keeps putting me down. it's like go ahead and say it fuck me cause there's no way around it, but to stoop as low as to make fun of me..that hurts. Alright the shit with my dad. I cant say what cause I dotn want anyone to know but bad shit is going ot happen. Oh and to top things off I don't know what to feel about Richie. At first glance it's like what am i getting myseld into, but then i spend so much time alone with him its like gee this is great. I like getting complements, really i do and he give them to me. He makes me forget about all the fucked up shit in my life. Time stands still as cheesy as that sounds. well yeah I've got to do some hw These two song have been going in and out of my head a lot today. Here are the lyrics. dashbaord confessional -the brilliant dance So this is odd, the painful realization that has all gone wrong. And nobody cares at all, and nobody cares at all. So you buried all your lover's clothes and burned the letters lover wrote, but it doesn't make it any better. Does it make it any better? And the plaster dented from your fist in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that the memories will fade. So this is strange, our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance where nobody leads at all, where nobody leads at all. And the picture frames are facing down and the ringing from this empty sound is deafening and keeping you from sleep. And breathing is a foreign task and thinking's just too much to ask and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights. This is incredible. Starving, insatiable, yes, this is love for the first time. Well you'd like to think that you were invincible. Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time? Well this is the last time. A Praise Chorus -jimmy eat world are you going to live your life wondering standing in the back, looking around? are you going to waste your time thinking how you've grown up how you missed out? things are never going be the way you want where's it going to get you acting serious? things are never going to be quite what you want even at twenty five you got to start sometime are you going to live your life standing in the back looking around? are you going to waste your time? got to make a move or you'll miss out someone is going to ask you what it's all about stick around nostalgia won't let you down someone is going to ask you what it's all about what are you going to have to say for yourself? i'm on my feet i'm on the floor i'm good to go so come on davey, sing me something that i know want to always feel like part of this was mine want to fall in love tonight here, tonight Current Mood: okay (Comment on this)